I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
