If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
