Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
