how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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