shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
