Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
