Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
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I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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