Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
