well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
