Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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