I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
