She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
