did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
