so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
