rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
