apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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