It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
