I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
