Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
