update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
