At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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