Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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