hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
