meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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