dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
