dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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