this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
