Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
