Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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