we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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