i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
