I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
