so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize