failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
