What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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