he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
