I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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