i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
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Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
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There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after