But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
11/10 would buy him a McLobster