just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening