apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
