the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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