The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So vagazzling was a success
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
