She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She bit a glass in half.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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