he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
