mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Boobs speak an international language.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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