Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize