No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We got so high we made milksteak
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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