Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Rumble strips road head = magical
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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