Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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