The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
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Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
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She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.