The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.