haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.