2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER