I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize