the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
