that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
