You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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