Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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