I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
