party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
smell my finger.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
