I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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