she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
