we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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