if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
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I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
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I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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