Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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