Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
