Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
