I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
