Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
