Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
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So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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