my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is Oprah even human
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize