Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
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He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
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She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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